Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
