rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
