i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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