I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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