Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
