there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
