i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
