My first STD was from a foam party
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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