i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
