Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
