Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
