i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
