One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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