What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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