I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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