I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
