my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
