wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
