My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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