Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
