i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
