proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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