Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
