I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
