I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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