i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
