Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
