I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
