this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
