I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
