I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
