We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
