I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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