i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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