I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
