dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
