So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
