He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
