it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
