Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
