You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
