her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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