sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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