I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my poor anus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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