Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
