I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
