ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
