Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
