His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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