Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
