And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
