sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
