grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
