I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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