Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
