Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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