I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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