I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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