she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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