I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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