so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
