i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
