I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
