Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
