You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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