that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
