I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
