i already hear my dad disowning me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
