Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
