My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
