I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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