so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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