Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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