Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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