I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
