Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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