So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
