god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
