I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
